Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
