You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
