My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
