...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The ass gains better be worth it
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