who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
