i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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