..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
