When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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