Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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