Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
