dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
