I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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