he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
