I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize