my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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