can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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