Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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