So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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