WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
