it hurts more in the daytime
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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