I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
