im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just pee around me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
