I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
