I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I will be naked everywhere
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
