I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
