Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
