Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
