is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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