Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
