Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize