the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
