I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
