I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I want is dick and wine.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
