Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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