when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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