My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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