would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
