Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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