when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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