I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
