That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
