it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
