it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize