I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
