She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
