problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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