playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
found the other keg... it's in the tree
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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