I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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