im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize