I puked a lego.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
