I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
