Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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