I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
That reminds me...we need to get swords
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
