The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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