We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
