i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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