I wish my penis had an off switch
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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