I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
