I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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