cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
