making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize