You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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