walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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