U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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