I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
