My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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