Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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