College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize