just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
