I skipped work to stalk him.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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