Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
