Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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