In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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