after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
