The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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