The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
