you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
