??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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