She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
