we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
