I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
