Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize