Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
