I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
