Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
