I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
