There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
