His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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