the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
