I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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