he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
