All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
