Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
