Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
do nipples grow back?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize