she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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