So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
