dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
