i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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