I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
