I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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