the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
