Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
