I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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