Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize