You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
