Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
