Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
