Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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